Joe Bereta
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Fake Orgasms?! Women? What?! SEX SEX SEX!?! CLICK CLICK!! OMG!!11!!

3/27/2014

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I'm a #HashtagWars finalist on @midnight ...this counts as a TV appearance, right?

3/26/2014

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You should probably vote for the far superior Pirate Doodie or Dead Baby Ruth.  Just sayin'.
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Vote For NASA's New Spacesuit!!!

3/25/2014

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I participated in a little bit of talky-talk with Ross Everett on his podcast! Check it out!

3/25/2014

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You Might Have Missed: Missing Plane Answers, Crazy Egypt, Expensive Dogs, GoT Punishments & Thinking Caps!

3/25/2014

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Singing About those NIGHT BEES and PAJAMA PENGUINS

3/24/2014

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Saved By the Bell: The Mew Class

3/21/2014

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I can't decide if I would or wouldn't watch this. Here's a totally real review of this show that never existed:

"This show is purrrr-fect. Trust me, I'm not kitten.  I cat tell you how much I love the cast right meow, beclaws I'm too busy lion on the ground laughing! Seriously, I'm hissing my pants here!"
         -Sean Penn
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5 Awesome Things - Nard, Shower, River City Ransom, Nature Lover, Glacier National Park

3/20/2014

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1. Nard

Straight up classic, yet I feel, forgotten synonym for a single testicle. Nard needs to make a comeback. It's silly yet refined.
Plural: Nards
Most Famous Use of Word: Monster Squad (1987)
Sean: Kick him in the nards! Kick him in the nards!
Horace: He doesn't have nards!
Sean: Do it, do it!
Horace: (after kicking The Wolfman in the nards) Wolfman's got nards!

2. Shower by Psychostick

Guys, listen to Psychostick. They parody heavy metal. But they're the type of parodists that master the subject they parody and turn it into their squirming bitch. I suggest trying out tracks that cover hotbed, controversial topics like, Caffeine, Beer!, and Shower.

3. River City Ransom

Awesome game for the NES. It's like an RPG indulged in too much box wine and engaged in a one-night tryst with an "out-of-its-league," yet willing brawler, and they squirted out this bouncing, punching, kicking, bundle of pixilated joy. The role-playing elements seamlessly integrate into the fine art of Punch&Kick. You run around River City earning cash for kicking ass (Ass Cash), eating food to level up your character stats, and reading books to learn new moves. My personal favorite is Fatal Steps. It's an adorable curb-stomp your enemy while he is down on the ground type of thing. BUT HERE IS WHAT IS THE MOSTEST AMSOMER THING EVER!! A Kickstarter funded direct sequel will be crub-stomping my face later this year!!!!!!

4. Nature Lover

One time, I ran around Glacier National Park humping everything in sight. I like to think God (He/She/It/Horse?) omnipotently gazed upon my thrusting antics, gently nodding his fireball-head with approval.  

5. Hidden Lake, Glacier National Park

One time, I went on a hike in Glacier National Park and didn't hump things. Here are some of my favorite pictures from the trek to Hidden Lake. Enjoy.
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Sports Tech AND The End of the World

3/17/2014

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Played with a fun app that monitors your baseball swing.  And also, the world is ending on SourceFed.

Fitness Apps: Stuff and BASEBALL!!!!

SF Today - Cloning Wooly Mammoths - End of Times - Live on the Moon - Malaysia 370 Hijacked? - Freakfest

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5 Awesome Things March 14

3/14/2014

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Five Awesome Things was a daily list I used to pump out on the Facebooks and the Twitterz. It was nothing more than stuff I enjoy. I figure this is a place where I can continue that trend with a bit more elaboration. Take my hand. We'll take this journey together. I'll be gentle.

1. David Stockton's MONSTER Block

David Stockton is the result of sex things that NBA legend John Stockton did to his wife.
David plays for Gonzaga GO ZAGS and in the West Coast Conference Tournament Championship, the 5' 11" wood sprite of an NCAA basketball player hulked out and presented to the world what might be the most entertaining shot block of the year. Now, my scrappy, yet occasionally maddening Zags, go forth and pretty please make it past the first weekend of the NCAA tournament so as not to obliterate my homer bracket.

2: Moose

I've very recently decided that meese and bears are my favorite animals. Today, meese get the nod because... because. Here's a fun fact I stole from wikipedia: Out in the wild, if provoked, a moose will totally bang your girl behind your back. Science.
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3: Mario Kart 64

The undisputed best Mario Kart. But dear god, that Nintendo 64 controller was a monstrosity designed for your weird friend with the freaky third arm. He was really good at juggling. And being freaky. 
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4: Hashtag Wars on @midnight

Hashtag Wars, from Comedy Central's @midnight, is my new nightly ritual that provides me with an excuse to stretch my comedy muscle and ignore my family. Last night, the topic was #Alcoholidays. 
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5: Pistachios

Delicious. They're like the cashews of the nut world.
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